Using Bees To Effect Vengeance

I get to be as self-indulgent as I want without wasting anyone's time. Guilt-free solipsism -- excellent!

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Thursday, August 15, 2002
So I had an anagnorisis today. Started thinking about the new job, what a transition it's been, blah blah blah. Went through the usual suspects. The frantic pace. Yeah, but that's not it. The steep learning curve. Yeah, but that's not it. Then it hit me: this is the first time in my life that my daily tasks primarily involve doing things rather than thinking about things.

School is about thinking about things. Yes, you have homework, tests etc. but they're there primarily in order to gauge how well you've been thinking about things. Goes triple for college. In my last job, I was a Strategist (oh all right, Senior Strategist, but I'm just like you, really I am, don't be intimidated). Sure, I had "deliverables", but again, those involved analyzing situations, data, businesses, and putting my thoughts on paper when I was finished. Even when I made presentations to clients, it was in order to persuade them of the usefulness of my thoughts.

My current job is not a thinking job. Sometimes I add a little bit of insight, but most of the time I don't have a lot of insight to share. In those cases where I do bring useful experience to the table, I don't have the time or the inclination to think strategically because I'm too busy worrying about the logistics of getting things done. Maybe when the daily processes I fumble with are second nature, I'll be able to do both. But for now, I don't think very much during my average day. That's deeply strange and unusual for me. Not unpleasant necessarily...but challenging. And challenging in a more profound way than I'd realized up until now.

I'm not really that *good* at doing things; it's not my forte in life. But I'm really good at thinking. I'll think circles around you, boy. I'll think your freakin socks off. I've always preferred thinking to doing -- because I'm good at it. What do you prefer?

(P.S -- I've even noticed a general decline in the articulateness (see?) of my postings since I started the job. A function of the shorter windows of time I have to compose my missives, you interject kindly? That's very sweet, but I don't think that's it. I think it's because my writing/analyzing brain is switched off all day. Hmmm....)


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