Using Bees To Effect Vengeance

I get to be as self-indulgent as I want without wasting anyone's time. Guilt-free solipsism -- excellent!

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Tuesday, December 09, 2003
I have recently begun eating granola for breakfast. Fear not, I continue to bathe regularly, have not attempted to occupy any college campuses, and continue to shave my legs (note to potential employers who are Googling me: that last bit was a joke. I do not shave my legs, as that would be weird for a man. And I am not weird. The joke pivoted on the fact that while the popular caricature of granola-eaters is that they don't shave their legs, that caricature applies only to female granola-eaters. This distinction is crucial if one is to find the joke funny. The humor comes from the confounding of the reader's expectations, as most of them know that I am a male.)

Anyway, as I was saying, I eat granola for breakfast these days. It started a few weeks ago when the Mrs and I went to Las Manitas for breakfast. Having consumed an ungodly amount of Mexican food in the prior couple of days (look, I like it, but I can't eat it for every meal), I instead made the radical decision to have granola and fruit (it was also very cheap...lots of parentheticals today, aren't there?). I was pleasantly surprised by the feeling of hearty, healthy crunchiness it imparted, a dense, compact source of nourishment after the lardy, floury repast of the previous 48 hours -- some slightly dissonant Duke Ellington after too much saccharine Glenn Miller.

One thing led to another, and a few days ago you could find me in the cereal aisle at HEB...not hovering over the Cocoa Pebbles and Marshmallow Treasures as per usual, but instead puzzling over the differences between a number of avowedly healthy granola products, trying to decide which one was most likely to approximate the deliciousness of my Las Manitas discovery. I opted to buy two different kinds, just to see which I'd prefer, and we're now living happily ever after.


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